From Precious
April, 2010
The Jaw Dropping Column from Chelsea Black
My Time-Share moment
I know I've been away for a while...you were probably wondering if I had emigrated. Well my precious, not so long ago I almost did emigrate - I was overseas attempting to invest in a lifelong property.
I’d received a social networking friend request from a guy I’d dated briefly at university. He invited me to Washington D.C. to visit him and see if we still connected. An all-expenses paid timeshare holiday.
It was a very exciting time for me my precious, and I threw myself into preparing for this with my usual gusto. Waxing, facials, more waxing, pedicures, manicures, and even MORE waxing. Thanks to John Lewis I bought all new underwear that matched and accentuated parts other underwear couldn’t reach. I designed a wardrobe that could fit into one suitcase for 2 weeks. A black/red mix and match combination. And I got my hair braided. After all who knew what humidity issues I could face?
So I arrived in D.C. glistening with anticipation and a lack of sleep one can only achieve in economy class. And there he was. And I fell my precious. Literally and metaphorically. That suitcase was heavier than I thought. We snogged in the car, sha***ed all over the apartment, and pillow talked every night. It was the perfect holiday and somewhere over paella, I decided that he was more than just a timeshare.
When I returned to London I spent hours with my virtual boyfriend on Skype who was more attentive than any other boyfriend I had known. We made the sort of home improvements in weeks that takes most folk months. He came over to the London so that I could show him all that I would be leaving behind and I was SOLD. This was it my precious: Hubby No 2!
Then it was time for my second viewing. I fell in love the first
time, but the second visit is about looking for the flaws and suddenly
my D.C penthouse timeshare appeared to be subsiding.
First he was late to meet me at the airport. Then the apartment was dirty
as he had forgotten to hire a cleaner. There was no food in the house,
he forgot to book my braid hair appointment and his ex girlfriend/ buyer
was on the phone everyday. There were cracks everywhere. Then his car got
clamped due to unpaid tickets and I discovered I was dating a man who hated
to be alone and was over $150,000 in debt.
But the worst crime my preciou,s was him forgetting to pay the cable bill. Turns out his previous buyer/ ex girlfriend hung around and had needed to borrow the money. I never got my all expenses trip reimbursed and couldn’t wallow in real life cable films.
So with that I suggest you keep renting my precious cos buying
is a nightmare in these economic times. And never overpay for a timeshare.
You’ll never get the time back. Happy house hunting!
Want more of Chelsea?..archives over here.
Send us your comments on Chelsea Black's column with "Chelsea" in the subject to : comments@preciousonline.co.uk
Your say:
Chelsea, you’re dirty, but delicious!
Jen, London
LOL!!I love my butt as much as you do Chelsea. Sophia, Manchester
This column is too funny. There needs to be more of it on a regular basis, PLEASE. Chantal, (A Brit girl living in Miami)
Has Chelsea emigrated? Missing her work! Shirley, East London
Where is Chelsea? I love this column I want more!! Charli, Newham
Chelsea Black…your column ...absolutely fabulous! I am dying to read more, when is the book out? If City Boy can do it, so can you! Michelle, London
I am not South African, Black, or even a women. Nor do I live in London, but
I love Chelsea Black. Please keep the articles coming.
Alan Miami, USA
Please update this column more ...monthly is not enough, thx Claudia
W
hen are you going to unmask her...Paul,
London
I love this column. Chelsea sounds like the girl I have been hiding inside me for ages! Keep up the great work Precious and Chelsea! Sonia x
just wanted to say how much I enjoyed the new column you have for social chatter. I thought it was funny, upbeat, modern and easy to relate to. Is this a new regular feature? I hope so, I'm enjoying the online read for this magazine the features from Precious are so interesting, keep it up! Kind regards Jacqui